Caribbean Kigo Kukai # 35
wedding bouquet
a waft of the odour
along with her "no"
bouquet de mariage
une bouffée de l'odeur
avec "non" á elle
wiązanka
powiew woni
wraz z jej "nie"
esküvői csokor
szag fuvallata
asszonyi "nemmel"
Avec le bouquet
le parfum du mariage –
avec son « non »
(Yanis Petros)
Pourquoi un bouquet de mariée si elle va répondre "non" ?
OdpowiedzUsuńparce que, elle renonce á sa marier devant l'autel ...
OdpowiedzUsuńVery nice Iris. I assume the odour is from the bouquet? In English the second line would be better rendered as ' a waft of its scent'. Only a suggestion...
OdpowiedzUsuńHi Frank
OdpowiedzUsuńI am pleased to have your suggestion because writing in any foreign language is always a big challange. It concerns especially such a short form as haiku. Whenever I write I wonder if this/that sounds smoothly for a native speaker. I accept suggestions concerning amendments/improvements, if any (I hope not very often :)
My first version of the second line of this haiku was "a waft of its scent". Then I started to experiment with different versions/meanings. As far as I know "odour" means "scent" and "reputation". As such I decided to use this double meaning and give the readers an opportunity of their own interpretation. Thus the final version is "a waft of the odour". Now I see I overdid :) Thanks for pointing out this issue. I wonder if my clarification makes the second line more correct/appropriate now. If not I will change it to be clear.
Thank you and best regards
Iris
Does that ever happen, outside the movies ("it Happened One Night," etc.)
OdpowiedzUsuńBut don't get me wrong. I love movies. And this is fun.
to haiku znakomicie mi brzmi po francusku
OdpowiedzUsuńpozdrawiam
rob
Hi Bill
OdpowiedzUsuńIt happens also in real life.
The only difference is that we have a comedy in the cinema, while in life it is usually a tragedy.
Best regards
Iris
Witaj Robercie
OdpowiedzUsuńbardzo cieszę się z Twoich odwiedzin na moim blogu. Sprawiłeś mi ogromną przyjemność swoim komentarzem. Zapraszam Cię częściej.
Serdecznie pozdrawiam
Irena
Chère Iris, ma modeste suggestion :
OdpowiedzUsuńAvec le bouquet
le parfum du mariage -
avec son "non"
Très amicalement
Cher Yanis
OdpowiedzUsuńmerci pour votre haiku ( avec deux "avec"? :)
Bonsoir
Iris