środa, 27 czerwca 2012

Caribbean Kigo Kukai # 35

wedding bouquet
a waft of the odour
along with her "no"

bouquet de mariage
une bouffée de l'odeur
avec "non" á elle

wiązanka ślubna 
powiew woni
wraz z jej "nie"

esküvői csokor
szag fuvallata
asszonyi "nemmel"

Avec le bouquet
le parfum du mariage –
avec son « non »

(Yanis Petros)

10 komentarzy:

  1. Pourquoi un bouquet de mariée si elle va répondre "non" ?

  2. parce que, elle renonce á sa marier devant l'autel ...

  3. Very nice Iris. I assume the odour is from the bouquet? In English the second line would be better rendered as ' a waft of its scent'. Only a suggestion...

  4. Hi Frank
    I am pleased to have your suggestion because writing in any foreign language is always a big challange. It concerns especially such a short form as haiku. Whenever I write I wonder if this/that sounds smoothly for a native speaker. I accept suggestions concerning amendments/improvements, if any (I hope not very often :)
    My first version of the second line of this haiku was "a waft of its scent". Then I started to experiment with different versions/meanings. As far as I know "odour" means "scent" and "reputation". As such I decided to use this double meaning and give the readers an opportunity of their own interpretation. Thus the final version is "a waft of the odour". Now I see I overdid :) Thanks for pointing out this issue. I wonder if my clarification makes the second line more correct/appropriate now. If not I will change it to be clear.
    Thank you and best regards

  5. Does that ever happen, outside the movies ("it Happened One Night," etc.)

    But don't get me wrong. I love movies. And this is fun.

  6. to haiku znakomicie mi brzmi po francusku


  7. Hi Bill
    It happens also in real life.
    The only difference is that we have a comedy in the cinema, while in life it is usually a tragedy.
    Best regards

  8. Witaj Robercie
    bardzo cieszę się z Twoich odwiedzin na moim blogu. Sprawiłeś mi ogromną przyjemność swoim komentarzem. Zapraszam Cię częściej.
    Serdecznie pozdrawiam

  9. Chère Iris, ma modeste suggestion :

    Avec le bouquet
    le parfum du mariage -
    avec son "non"

    Très amicalement

  10. Cher Yanis
    merci pour votre haiku ( avec deux "avec"? :)